Diary of an Informal Caregiver: From Family Business to Family Care

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A woman kisses and hugs a smiling elderly man wearing a cap, sitting on a sunlit outdoor bench.

October 15, 2018

Until last year, I worked with a team of colleagues to facilitate the management of Family Businesses, harmonizing, and aligning the business and family visions, creating leadership, and fostering the growth of Human Resources in the company. Then I felt compelled to return to Abruzzo, to be closer to my family. It was a difficult decision that necessitated multiple changes. And now, at the start of a new year, 2018, life has presented me with a problem that is essentially a voyage of deep awareness through the themes that I have dealt with in recent years, with the difference that it also involves my family, with total emotional participation.

February 7, 2018

I get off the bus in L’Aquila, Italy, on my way back from Rome. It’s 11:40 pm and my sister is waiting for me in her car. The plan is to go to Vittorito together; the next morning, she will take me to catch the bus back to work in Rome. Although I was pleased with the phone plan, I felt uneasy within, as if something bad awaited me on the ride from L’Aquila to Vittorito. Once in the car, I was exhausted, but grateful for the opportunity to spend time with my sister. I had been commuting to Rome for over four months. Following the greetings, we began driving towards home. The cool, starry night was our only company. And now comes the moment I dreaded. My sister stated unequivocally, “Nancy, Dad has bone cancer”…

From Family Business to Family Care, I am an informal caregiver for the love of my family system

And here, a 49-year-old divorced woman with an adult son, thankfully independent, who has spent the last 10 years of economic transition establishing her own resilience and utilizing her own talents without ever stopping, finds herself caring for her own father due to other family consequences. Her life is transformed. She modifies the family house so that her parents may be together as a couple and a wheelchair can pass through. She quits her job in Rome, which is no longer viable, and looks for a job in Pescara, which is not easy. She is told she is too old, or her curriculum is too demanding… But she does not give up hope.

In the meantime, she is caring for her father. She never knows how the day or night will turn out because this voyage is filled with both balanced and tragicomic moments. Her father’s condition is continuously changing, forcing her to learn a variety of new skills.

She has become a mason, painter, electrician, and interior decorator in order to prepare the house. She has also become a nurse and doctor in order to deal with the routine of prescriptions and care.

She provides direct assistance and passive surveillance, handles administrative and bureaucratic matters, maintains relationships with entities involved in home care and the doctors in charge of her father’s care at the hospital, accompanying him to the hospital for chemo and check-ups, handles the formal aspects of purchasing aids, booking ambulances, and so on.

She doesn’t have permission to be unwell and considers herself fortunate since it is simple for her to be a coach for her family, find moments to recharge, and work on psychological well-being and mood using various strategies she is familiar with.She considers herself fortunate for her awareness of her role, the skills she can bring to the table, and the impact the illness has on family dynamics, while thinking of all those people who face all of this without the tools she has, paying even more consequences on their already “worn-out” daily and family life. Meanwhile, she is seeking for an appropriate replacement with the goal of working in Pescara. It’s not an easy hunt… Meanwhile, she shaved her head like a Marine to fight this battle…

“It Depends”

There are many beautiful persons in my life and heart, one of which is Luca Marcolin, with whom I shared the experience of Family Business. He has a special affection for the phrase “it depends.”

So, how should I approach my father’s illness? Is it the start or the end? It all depends.

And as I sit in my meditation room, before I let go of any idea, I see all the gifts of awareness that this trip is bringing me, despite the tiredness, anguish, and dread of walking on a tightrope poised on the possibilities of the unknown…There, my eyes are closed, my heart is full of appreciation, the aroma of incense surrounds me, and I am regenerated…

Smiling woman in red dress sitting on a white sofa, leaning on her hand.

Nancy Perin

Nancy is a caring individual with a background in sociology and a strong desire to connect people. She has improved workplaces and communities with her almost two decades of experience in management teams, human resources, coaching, and community project management. Nancy has also served on the board of directors of the Italian Personnel Managers Association and participated in a humanitarian mission to Dakar, Senegal, to support family centres.

Her intercultural love story sparked her interest in migration-relatedtopics and led her to launch @journeysta, a project that aims to strengthen cultural ties between Canada and Italy.

Nancy oversees the Gallery of Human Migration and believes in the possibility of creating caring communities that are involved in the processes of welcoming, acceptance, and integration. Join her on this journey of discovery and cultural exchange.

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